You gotta give the Germans one thing, they are the world’s master craftsmen. Just one look at Heidi Klum and you know it’s true: she’s a slender brunette with the face of an angel and a body that proves, once and for all, that miracles do exist.  

When she descended the staircase of the Keenan Ivory Wayans sound set during her recent appearance, wearing a dress just slightly thinner than rice paper, you could almost hear the testosterone boiling in the male half of the audience (or was that my blood vessels). Much kudos to her dressmaker: the fabric was truly shear and naughty, definitely not the stuff I would recommend for machine washing.  
Klum’s German accent is ever so slight, which is pretty impressive since she’s only been in the U.S. for a little under four years. When asked about how she feels being the pin-up girl for this year’s Sports Illustrated "Swimsuit Edition," she gives a little canned speech that sounds as if it might have been cooked up in the dull mind of a business manager somewhere:  

"It was always a dream of mine since I came to America four years ago. I always wanted to be part of the Sports Illustrated models because it’s a big deal for a model to be part of. Now, to be on the cover ... it’s just amazing."  
Klum began her career as a Victoria’s Secret model. She appears to have been ideal for the position. "Every woman likes lingerie," she explains. "You should spend your money on some nice lingerie. Big wool cotton pants, that just doesn’t work. You have to feel sexy."  

Later in the conversation, Heidi reveals that she hasn’t totally adjusted to the USA way of life. She makes the obvious but insightful observation that Americans are somewhat uptight. "In Europe, we go to nude beaches. We don’t have a problem with our bodies. Here in America, people are very covered up."  

As I began wondering if there’s anyway to find out which particular nude beaches she goes to, Klum goes on to tell a story of how once, while sunbathing in Phoenix, Arizona, she was asked by a security guard if she could put her top back on (imagine being in that guy’s position). "Why?" Heidi asked the hapless fellow, understandably perplexed that anyone -- especially a healthy heterosexual of the opposite sex -- would request something so ridiculous.  

"Because someone up there doesn’t like it," the guard explained.  

He was referring to an old woman in a nearby apartment, of course, not to Our Father up in heaven. You know the big G is all right with Heidi. After all, only He could have made her -- with a little help from a couple of Germans, of course.    

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